The Retrogrades: Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Oh My!
By: Ayla Dehghanpoor
The hottest topic on the astrological web is retrograde. There are literally 20,300,000 websites talking about it – but do you want to know a secret? You’re stronger than retrograde. We’ve taken back our power from just about every source that’s tried to steal it, yet somehow we all claim to be powerless to the planets. It’s time to cut it out. And for the love of all that is witchy, it’s time to pledge to never post a melodramatic retrograde Instagram story again. If the universe wants to roast you, now is your time to punk her right back. Your key to cosmic retribution comes in the form of knowledge, and we’re taking on the big three. Know thy enemy.
First things first, it’s important to remember what each planet rules over when you’re trying to combat its devious effects. For Mercury that’s communication and technology. In a nutshell, she’s in charge of your personal relationships and the true lifeblood of any working witch – your cell phone and laptop. When Mercury is retrograde, the planet is essentially kicking dirt in our faces. What a rude witch. In general, we just try and weather the storm. For most of us that means avoiding job interviews, abstaining from new relationships, and babying our tech. Are you tired of walking on eggshells when Merc is in town? You can flip that energy with a daily cleansing ritual. It could be as simple as smudging your spaces (we, of course, recommend Smokeless Smudge), but for those particularly sensitive to the planetary disturbance, try a stronger candle ritual and repeat a soothing and empowering mantra each morning. Your mantra should be unique to your life and needs so avoid the temptation to Google “energy cleansing mantra”. Trust.
Our lady Venus is the mistress of love, beauty, and cold, hard cash. When she goes retrograde we tend to breakup, breakout, and go broke. How foul. The good (and bad) news is that Venus goes retrograde less often than the other planets, so we don’t feel it as often but we do feel it just as intensely. There are a few ways to make the kickback your bitch, but the best defense is always a good offense. Keep an eye on the calendar and prep your skin with a facial, invest some one-on-one time with your partner to keep your relationship strong, and get all of those bills paid early. Then sit back, relax, and live your best life while you watch the world burn (bonus points if you practice your best cackle in anticipation).
The king of ‘what goes around, comes around’, when Saturn is retrograde he delivers karma on a cosmic scale. That argument with your sister that still haunts you? The misstep at work that you thought no one noticed? All of that brunch-time gossip? Time to pay the pied piper. When it comes down to it, you just need to remember not to stress because spoiler: we’ve all sinned. When your past mistakes come back to haunt you all you need to do is apologize, make it right, and perform a little grounding ritual when you get home to keep the guilt at bay.
Say goodbye to retro-dread and hello to grade-A victory.